A New Year Means New Beginnings

…at least I hope. Apparently 2010 just wasn’t the year for holidays for our family. As I sit here and write this, a million things are going through my head. In the last few months, I’ve thought a lot about the past and future of this blog. I wonder if, after weeks (maybe even months by this point) of inactivity, you’ve all forgotten about me and made the decision to stop following a seemingly defunct blog. And while I’ve never been the type to try to come up with excuses for things, I find myself coming up with reasons why it’s okay that I haven’t blogged since the holiday season started. But the truth is, things have just been down right shitty since the holiday season started.

I thought that making the decision to give up Newman was tough (I certainly spent many days and nights wondering if we made the right decision, crying over our loss and wondering if life would ever be the same) and that life would somehow get back to normal. It was tough and it was emotional, but life did return to normal. But, normalcy didn’t last for long.

It’s still hard to believe what I’m about to type, but I figure now’s as good a time as any…. Two weeks ago, after over a year-long battle with cancer and a trying last few weeks, my Grandpa passed away. Thankfully, we were able to spend the holiday season as a family. We were able to sit around his hospital bed talking about old memories and joking about years past, trying to avoid the thought of the inevitable. My Grandpa was an amazing man. He served in the United States Marine Corps for over 20 years, he was a New York City police officer and he was the epitome of a family man. But most of all, he was simply my Grandpa. He spoiled me like any grandparent would do and he treated me like I was the only person in the world. He loved food more than anything else (sometimes even more than me), and I was lucky enough to cook for him on many occasions. He’s part of the inspiration behind my cooking and behind this blog.

Grandpa in Uniform

Grandpa Reenlisting in the Marines and in his NYPD Uniform

As I’m sure most of you know, losing a loved one is obviously not easy. I’ve never lost someone this close to me before, and I’m not exactly sure how to cope with it. But I’m doing what I know is best for me and what feels right to me, and luckily I’ve got an amazing husband and wonderful family to support me. And one thing I know for sure is that the spirit of my Grandpa will never die. There’s just way to many memories to forget about him. Plus, I know if we tried to forget, he’s give us all hell about it. :)

Mom, Grandpa, Me

My Mom, Grandpa and Me (back in the day)

For the sake of my health and sanity, I pray to God this is the last depressing news I have to deliver. I can’t wait to get back to normal — no worries, just every day life, cooking, photographing and blogging. I’m making a late New Year’s resolution (probably only to break it, since that’s how resolutions work) to get back to blogging on a regular schedule. And…if I’m lucky, maybe improve my photography skills a little. I need it for myself, and I need it for those of you who’ve stuck around through the last few months. So…here’s to a new year and new beginnings. I adore you all, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for understanding through this difficult time.

Grandpa

Love you Grandpa, miss you tons. From here on out, every post on this blog is for you.

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10 Comments

  1. So sorry for your loss, Steph. Your grandpa was a handsome man! :) Although we never forget, time does ease the pain.

    Looking forward to future deliciousness on your blog!

  2. OMG, he looks like Nick Cage in those early photos! Has everyone ever said that?

    “This too shall pass” seems like such a cop out thing to say. But it does. And it will. All in time.

    :(

  3. (((Hugs))) I know what a trying time it’s been for you. He was an amazing man and left behind a wonderful legacy. I’m looking forward to your return to blogging when you feel like it. Here’s to new beginnings!

  4. Just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss, Stephanie. What a beautiful thing to dedicate your posts to him!

  5. It is always way too hard to say the right thing in these situations, Stephanie. And I know…sometimes it seems there is not end to bad things and bad times. But luckily there is. I really hope you are approaching it and you will be able to go back to a more serene state of mind. We, well, as you can see….we will still be here waiting for new posts and new inspirations

  6. I have been thinking of you and your family ever since I heard about your loss. We lost Ryan’s father last January, and I know how painful this process can be. Please know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. I could never forget you or your blog! Please take all the time that you need to heal and to process. I will eagerly await each of your posts. Thank you for sharing all that you do with us. You are amazing, my dear!

  7. Oh sweetie I am so sorry to hear this! I lost my grandfather, who I was very close with, when I was 13 and it was definitely one of, if not THE, saddest things that has ever happened to me. All you can do is be thankful for the wonderful memories you have and just try to get through as best as possible. <3

  8. Stephanie, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather. You have been in my thoughts. I know the pain you must be feeling (I lost my father to cancer as a teenager), but rest assured that time heals all wounds. Thank you for sharing so candidly your love and admiration for him – that’s a brave thing to do. Thinking of you during this tough time and hoping you’re able to laugh and smile again soon… XOX

  9. Stephanie, I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know it’s not the same, but this time last year – to the day – my father in law unexpectedly passed away a mere 3 months after my husband and I were married. For a bit I wondered how things would change, if they would stay the same, and how, but somehow, without even realizing it, things went back to normal. It takes time, but it comes.

  10. Thanks everyone for your kind comments and understanding. It’s comforting to know, not only that I have such loyal readers, but also to hear that you all have similar experiences and things do get easier.

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